The Most Overused Mattress Metaphor

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  • By Andrew Mackie
The Most Overused Mattress Metaphor

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you’ve probably heard this one a million times. It might be the only mattress metaphor out there, for all I know. Yes, you guessed it.

 

‘It’s like sleeping on a cloud…’

 

Yep. Everybody uses it. Quite possibly everyone that’s ever tried to describe a bed.

 

I’ve written my share of messages, letters, articles, about beds and the ideal sleep experience. I’m sure I’ve used it too. I’m sure I’m guilty. It’s an almost irresistible trope. I don’t know who used it first. What writer first penned these immortal words? But now the words are deeply entrenched.

 

Think about it for a second though. Would a cloud really be that great to sleep on? Sure, it would be fluffy, and wouldn’t be likely to have lumpy spots, or to jab you in the night, but would it keep you warm? Would it give you the right back support? Would you sink in too much?

 

In her recent article on Hastens beds in the Globe and Mail, columnist Sarah Hampson used a much more evocative description:

 

‘ I feel like I’m resting on springy, slightly crunchy moss on a forest floor …’

 


This is imagery I can get into.

 

Maybe I’m a weirdo, (in fact, probably definitely…) but I like the sound of this. It takes me back to sneaking off into the woods at summer camp. As a young boy. Eons ago. Free play time between dinner and campfire. Stealing a few minutes of quiet and solitude here and there to break up the joyous weeks of chaos. Walking off into the woods. Finding a soft looking spot. Lying back into the soft earth. Looking up at cracks of blue beyond the trees. The chirps of birds and squirrels. Distant sounds of the other children running, laughing. No one knows where I am. I am free; invisible. The spongy layers of soft earth, moss, cedar needles, crushed leaves hug up under my back and head. A light, warm breeze moves the trees above. Is this how I’m meant to sleep? I feel connected to larger things. There’s something primal, speaking to me… Can I take this feeling home with me… Forever? The bell rings. I jump up to sprint back to the group before I’m missed…

 

You might not rush to describe the Hastens feeling as being like that of the dirt and moss, but there is something about it that does feel… well… natural. Different. Like nothing else I’ve ever felt. In a subtly pleasant way. And the comments we get every day when someone lies down in the Sleep Spa back this up. We hear things like:

 

‘It’s soft, yet solid…’

 

‘It cradles me. I sink in, but in just the right places…’

 

‘Every time I’ve tried a new bed before, I’ve been like: Meh… But this is something special…’

 

Yes, there’s something you just can’t explain. Metaphors are tricky. But for me, the ‘forest floor’ description rang true, in some distant, nostalgic way.

 

Have you been in to see our exclusive Hastens Sleep Spa yet?

 

You better get down here.

 

Then you can tell me your perfect sleep/mattress metaphor…